• Gf: babe come over
  • Me: I'm eating garlic bread
  • Gf: I'm horny and my parents aren't home
  • Me: it's the kind that's covered in cheese

iamthedukeofurl:

wholockian-at-hogwarts:

WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS MEAN WHEN A SHOW IS ON AT LIKE FUCKIN “8/7c” WHAT IS THAT????

We never switched over to metric timekeeping. The c stands for “Caw”, referring to how many times a majestic eagle has flown overhead and cawed that day. Sometimes the eagles are feeling sluggish, so the show could be on after either the 7th or 8th caw. 

versvcx:

fuck you but fuck me first

Even if we’re married for 23 years,
I still want you to flirt with me.

A novel written by me. (via princessariel2323)